The Marriage Game: A Detective Mellark Comedy
by HungryForMore74
Summary: Four couples enter, only one couple is left standing. Watch as Katniss and Peeta compete with Prim, Rory, Madge, Gale, Annie and Finnick in an all-out battle to see who knows their spouse the best. Caesar Flickerman hosts the Plutarch Heavensbee production of The Marriage Game. With Johanna, Clove, Plutarch, Effie, Claudius, Fulvia.
1. Chapter 1: Introduction

A/N: This originally appeared in Kat Tales. Enjoy and review please.

 **Another Business Meeting**

"I don't even know why I attend these meetings. I never get to contribute anything." I felt sorry for myself and I wanted to whine. "I mean, I am Vice-President and the inspiration for this business venture of our's ... ya know."

Johanna gave me a broken, half-smile. "Okay, sweetie." Johanna threw her arm around me. "I tell you what. You give the presentation."

"Oh, I don't know if I'm ready."

She squeezed my arm. "Of course, you are. We had this idea together. You described it to Samantha to illustrate and you helped me with the dialogue. You can do it." I grabbed the rough layouts and marched into the conference room with a new-found confidence.

"Okay Johanna, you go first," Effie said.

I stood up. "I'll be doing the presentation."

Effie gave me a quizzical look. "Johanna, are you sure?"

Before she answered I said, "I'll be doing the presentation."

Effie sat up straight in her chair and straightened her suit. "Okay, if you insist. Go ahead."

"Thank you, Effie. This is the rough layout for the new book. Johanna and I came up with a new character. Samantha illustrated it and we introduce her here."

"What is it?" Prim asked.

"It's called a mockingjay."

Prim and Rue sat and stared at the bird. "What the hell is a mockingjay?" Rue asked.

"You see it's a cross between a blue jay and a mockingbird."

"Aren't there enough birds out there? Why'd you have to make one up?" Prim said.

I frowned when they didn't enthusiastically embrace my new creature. "Well, because it's cute."

"Okay, besides the fact that you made it up. This means less space for The Little Duck," Prim said.

"And more importantly, less space for The Sparrow," Rue added.

"Excuse me, Rue. You can't possibly think that The Sparrow deserves more space than The Little Duck?" Prim said.

"I not only think it. I can prove it."

"How can you possibly prove that, you little midget!"

Rue stood up and went eye to eye with Prim. "You wanna take this outside?" Rue said.

"Any day Dwarfinstein." Rue was now eye to chest with Doctor Hawthorne.

While The Duck and The Sparrow went at it, I turned to Jo. "You knew they would react like that, didn't you?" Jo held her hand to her chest. "Yes, I mean you." Jo diverted her eyes. "I'll get you back for this Mason."

"Okay ladies, simmer down. I'm sure there's enough room for ducks, sparrows, and any other genetically engineered mutations Katniss can think up in that warped brain of her's." Prim and Rue sat back down never taking their eyes off the other. "Johanna, you're creative; you work it out."

"Hey, what do you mean-" I said.

"Next on the agenda," Effie interrupted.

"Wait a minute." I crossed my arms and sat low in my seat.

"Like I said, next on the agenda. I ran into Messalla, who told me that his boss, Cressida, was speaking to Fulvia Cardew, that her boss, Plutarch Heavensbee is starting a new game show. He is looking for married couples to be contestants so I signed up Katniss and Peeta," Effie said.

I woke up from my pout when my heart almost exploded out of my chest. "What? Are you insane? Peeta would never agree to that!" That sly smile on Effie's face meant something was up. "What did you do Effie?"

She leaned back in her seat and explained. "I knew you'd try to get out of this by saying Peeta wouldn't go for it so I called him before the meeting and got his okay. Congratulations Mrs. Mellark, you're a contestant on _The Marriage Game_."

"Wait one minute! How could you-"

"Katniss, be quiet for a minute. How come you suggested Katniss and Peeta and not me and Rory?" Prim asked.

Effie looked up at the ceiling and nodded. "You know Prim, you might be on to something. How 'bout it if all four couples knew each other? We could add Annie and Finnick, and Madge and Gale."

"Now that pink dye has finally seeped into that conniving little brain of yours. Of course, Finnick would go for it, but Gale ... NO WAY!" I said.

"We'll see. We'll see," Effie said. "Prim, you have something to add?"

"Yeah, what's with the weird names those TV people have. I mean, Plutarch, Cressida, Fulvia, Messalla. Why don't they have normal names like Primrose and Katniss." Prim said.

"And Rue and Effie," Rue added.

Effie, deep in thought, sat without saying a word, then, "How in God's name would I know?"

"Maybe they are stage names," Rue said and Prim nodded.

"Excuse me," Jo said, "why didn't you say my name was normal?"

Prim, taken aback by Jo's question, couldn't for the life of her, figure out why Jo would object. "Because it's a boy's name."

"HEY! What did I tell you about that Hawthorne?" Jo said. Now this was a fair fight. Jo was only two inches shorter than Prim but outweighed her by a couple of ounces.

"Okay, sit down and put your claws away," Effie ordered.

"Um, Effie I have another question," Jo said.

You could see the exasperation on Effie's face. "What now Jo?"

"How come you didn't think of me and Clove? Are you homophobic or something?" Jo asked.

"Yeah, and how come you didn't think of me and Thresh? Are you a racist?"

"Well Jo, while I admire your interest in LGBTQ&A...WXYZ issues and Rue, your interest in racial equality is also admirable; I must point out something to you."

"What?" They asked.

Effie got up and leaned on the desk. "YOU'RE NOT MARRIED!"

"So what you're saying is that you're a singlist."

"Shut up Jo," Effie said.

"Katniss, help me out!" Jo pleaded.

"You're on your own Mason."

Effie turned her attention elsewhere. "Rue, I believe you have something you want to say."

Rue stood up and addressed the group. "Thank you, Effie. I volunteer at a geriatric facility."

"You know, a place for old people."

"Thank you, Prim. Moving right along. I think Katniss, being a pseudo-local-semi-celebrity that she is, should visit the home. It would be great publicity.

"Excellent idea Rue. You and Katniss get together and work out the old person's home visit." Effie collected her papers. "My, don't we look like a happy bunch." Jo and I continued to glare at each other; Rue and Prim were no better. "Look, this is what we'll do. Rue, The Sparrow will get some extra pages in the next book. Prim, you're gonna be on television. Katniss, the mockingjay is cute."

The three of us smiled, but that left Jo all alone. "What about me?"

"I ain't got nottin' Jo." It seemed that Jo struck out all night. "I don't know about you four, but it's cocktail hour," Effie said.

Prim perked right up. "OhmiGod, you're right. Let's go, Rue, we're meeting Rory and Thresh at Bourbon Street in a few minutes." Prim and Rue flew out of the conference room.

Jo gave me a broken smile, "you want a drink? I'll buy."

"You're buying all night, Mason. And it's going to be a long night. A very long night."


	2. Chapter 2: The Marriage Game Part I

**The Marriage Game Part 1**

Katniss and Peeta squinted when they entered the television studio. They had both been on TV before, but Katniss' heart ran fast while Peeta's remained calm. This was also nothing new for Finnick, he had been in the public eye for years, but all the others had different reactions. Annie clasped down on Finnick's hand. Madge's eyes got wide while Gale stared at his feet. Rory cocked his head to one side and examined the cameras, while Prim ... "Caesar! So nice to see you again." She walked over to Caesar with her head held high and her hand stretched out.

"And very good to see you again Doctor Hawthorne." Caesar took Prim's hand and kissed it. "It's been too long, you must be on the radio show again." Prim blinked when the lights reflected off of Caesar's teeth. They looked like diamonds in a cave.

"Oh, I'd love to Caesar. Let me introduce my husband, Rory." Prim turned to an empty space. Her eyes darted from left to right searching for her wayward mate. "Oh, Rory ... Oh, Rory honey ... HEY RORY!" Rory snapped to attention and like Prim, Caesar shook his hand, sans the kiss.

"Before I say hello to Annie and Finnick why don't you introduce me to this lovely couple." Madge felt her face heat up as Caesar approached.

"Oh yeah, these are my in-laws, Gale and Madge."

"Very nice to meet you, Mrs. Hawthorne. I've had the pleasure of meeting your father, but shame on him for never bringing his lovely daughter with him."

Madge covered her mouth and giggled when Caesar kissed her hand. "And ... it's a pleasure to meet you too, Caesar." Gale raised one eyebrow when Madge's voice cracked like a thirteen-year-old boy's.

"And Detective Hawthorne, I hope we can get you on the radio one day. You must have plenty of stories, especially with a partner like Detective Ballbuster." They both laughed as Katniss narrowed her eyes at Gale.

"Beautiful Annie, so good to see you again." Annie smiled. She's had her hand kissed by Caesar plenty of times before. "And Finnick, I was in the Blue Finn on Thursday; what's the possibility of having my regular table moved a little more towards the middle of the room." Annie was almost blinded when Caesar and Finnick smiled at the same time.

"Well Caesar, let's see how well Annie and I do on today's show." They squeezed each other's hand and shared a hardy laugh.

"Okay, it's time to take your seats. We're on in a few minutes." The stage manager said.

All the couples sat in their assigned booths. Makeup people scurried around for final touch ups. Technicians attached the mics and adjusted the lights.

"... 3, 2,1 ..."

"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen to tonight's episode of The Marriage Game! And here's our host ... Caesar Flickerman!" Claudius Templesmith's voice boomed through the studio.

Caesar Flickerman sauntered through the curtain to his podium. Peeta whispered to Katniss about how well Caesar's blue suit coördinated well with his new hair color.

"Thank you, Claudius. And do we have a special show for you tonight. Four couples that not only know each other but are all best friends." The audience cheered and Caesar had to simmer them down.

"Couple number one; she is a New York City detective and he's one of the city's top lawyers. Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce, Peeta and Katniss Mellark." Peeta and Katniss held hands, waved, and smiled to a cheering audience.

"Excuse me, Caesar." The camera turned to Prim.

"Yes, Primrose."

"Why are Katniss and Peeta number one? We haven't started yet."

Caesar flashed those pearly whites of his and winked for the camera. "Um, well Primrose, ah, they aren't number one in the standings, they're just in the first booth."

"Oh, so they are the couple in the left-hand booth. Okay. Carry on."

"Our next couple, in the booth next to the left-hand booth, keeps it in the family. She is a neurosurgeon at New York Presbyterian Hospital and he is a partner in one of the city's top accounting firms. Here's Rory and Primrose Hawthorne." Rory waved and Prim held up both arms liked she just scored a touchdown.

"Next, she is a political advisor to Congressman Undersee and he is also a New York City detective. Here's Gale and Madge Hawthorne." A smile and a wave from the couple.

"Last but not least; she's a history professor at New York University and he is the owner of the Blue Finn restaurant. Here's Finnick and Annie O'Dair."

* * *

Jo and Clove watched the taping from a room backstage. "I'm really excited. I've never been to a television studio before." Clove said. Jo looked off into the distance and chewed the inside of her cheek. "Hey, what's wrong?" She still didn't answer Clove. She jabbed Jo in the side.

"Hey, what was that for?"

"You're not paying attention. What's wrong?"

"This just sucks. This is the suckiest of the sucky sucks. I can't tell you how much this sucks. It just sucks that we couldn't be on the show."

"Jo, we're not married. And if you want to get ..." Jo's eyes got wide. "... married."

She bit her lip; she knew she went too far. "Hey, how was work today?"

"Chicken." Clove pulled her girlfriend close and kissed her.

"Say, why don't you guys play along with them for fun and see how well you do," Fulvia said.

Clove cocked her head and said, "please, let's do it."

Jo smiled and nodded. "Okay. That'd be nice."

"The guys are going off. Go into the other room and I'll write my answers down." Clove said.

"Why do I have to go off with the men?"

Clove batted her baby brown eyes. "Well, I'm cute and adorable."

"And I'm not cute?"

Clove lowered her head and looked up at Jo. "No, you're the most beautiful woman I know."

Jo relaxed and kissed Clove's forehead. "Thank you."

Clove watched Jo leave the room. When the door closed she said. "I hope they ask about Jo's worst trait."

"Why, what'll you put?" Fulvia asked.

"Gullible."

* * *

 **Question 1**

"Welcome back gentlemen. Your wives have their answers on the cards on their laps. Here's your first question. Peeta, what did Katniss write down as your favorite color?" Caesar asked.

"Oh Caesar, I was hoping this would be a little challenging. It's orange." Katniss flashed a broad smile. She flipped the card, _ORANGE._

"Really, orange. Like our mutual friend Effie Trinket's hair?" Caesar asked.

Katniss and Peeta nodded in unison. "Exactly like Effie's hair," Katniss said.

"Very good. 100 points for the Mellarks. Now, Rory, what did Primrose write for your favorite color?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure. Let's see. I'd say brown."

Prim leaned back and glared at Rory. "BROWN! Really! BROWN! That's not a good color! Why would you pick BROWN?"

"Well, it's the color of chocolate. I like chocolate," Rory said. "What did you say?"

Prim turned her card over, _RUFOUS_.

Rory looked at the card ... and then looked at it again. "Rufous? What the hell color is that?" Rory asked.

"It's reddish-brown or brownish-red, as of rust or oxidized iron," Prim said. "It's the color of our dining room walls. You were there when we picked it out."

"I may have been there, but you picked it out. And why didn't you say reddish-brown?"

"Because it's RUFOUS!"

"But Prim-"

"Whatever!" She flipped the card over her head.

"So Rory, you have a sweet tooth?" Caesar asked.

Prim spoke up before Rory could get a word out. "Oh God yeah. He leaves candy wrappers all over the apartment. It's like living with my sister again." Katniss' eyes got wide. "And you'll be as fat as she was if you don't cut back."

Katniss now narrowed her eyes. "Hey, that's not nice!"

"Relax Katniss, I said WAS!"

"Okay, moving right along," Caesar said. "Gale, what did your lovely bride write?"

"Brown," Gale said. "A perfectly good color." Gale leaned over and stared at Rory and Prim. "It reminds me of the woods."

Madge smiled and turned her card over, _BROWN_. "Yay!" Madge said and clapped her hands.

"Very good. 100 points to Gale and Madge. Now Finnick, what did Annie write down?"

"Oh, I'm not sure. It could be the green of Annie's eyes, or the red of her hair, or the ..." Finnick took Annie's hand and pulled her close.

"Um, Finnick ... excuse me, Finnick. Your answer please." Finnick ignored Caesar and he just stared into Annie's eyes.

"HEY YOU TWO! If you're going to act like this, get a room!" Prim said.

"Oh, oh, yes. My answer. Green, green."

Annie pouted and turned her card over, _BLUE_. "I was thinking of you swimming in the ocean," Annie said.

"That's okay beautiful."

"Oh, I'm sorry guys," Caesar said.

"That's okay Caesar. I was mesmerized by her eyes."

"The score after question number one is Katniss and Peeta, 100 points; Primrose and Rory, nothing yet; Madge and Gale, 100 points; Annie and Finnick, nothing yet."

* * *

"Okay Jo, what do you say?" Clove asked.

"I'd say black. It makes me think of your hair and how you dress."

Clove turned over her card, _BLACK._ They high-fived. "100 points for us. We'll show those people which couple really knows each other best." Jo looked over to Clove staring at her. "What are you staring at?"

"You're really sexy when you rant like that."

"Slow down there Clove. We have a game to win."

"Sorry, you're right."


	3. Chapter 3: The Marriage Game Part II

**Question 2**

"Okay, here's your second question. Primrose, you and Rory are first this time."

"It's about time Caesar," Prim said.

"Now Rory, what did Primrose write your favorite condiment is?"

"That's easy. Trojan."

"Rory, I think you misunderstood the question. I said condiment not-" Prim, without listening, cut Caesar off.

"TROJAN! TROJAN! That's stupid! Oh please. All you had to say is catsup or mustard and we'd have a 50/50 shot, but no, you say TROJAN! What the hell is Trojan anyway? Some kind of weirdo Worcestershire sauce or something? Oh, Christ! Trojan, oy vey."

* * *

"The score after question number two is Katniss and Peeta, 100 points; Primrose and Rory, nothing yet; Madge and Gale, 100 points; Annie and Finnick, nothing yet."

* * *

"Jo, what did you say?" Clove asked.

"Poacher's Relish," Jo said.

"Yay! Two for two." They high-fived again.

Effie and Haymitch entered the studio. "Hi Effie, Professor Wine-o." Jo smirked.

"Good to see you too Miss Mason, and I see you brought your better half." Clove returned Haymitch's smile.

"Jo, how much have we missed?" Effie asked.

"Not much, they just finished question 2," Jo said. "Effie, you got a mention."

"Oh, that's nice. I'll see it later."

* * *

 **Question 3**

"Gale, you and Madge are up first. Gale, besides popcorn, what is your favorite thing to nibble on at the movies?"

"Um, that's a hard one. There really isn't anything special. I'll go with Twizzlers."

Madge frowned and turned over her card. _HIS FINGERNAILS._

"My fingernails!" Gale objected. "Why would you say that?"

"Oh my God Gale! Look at these things." Madge grabbed Gale's hands and held them up. The camera zoomed in. "LOOK! LOOK! I should dip your fingertips in gasoline to keep you from biting them."

"Oh Madge, they are stubby. You should have Octavia work on them," Caesar said.

"That's a good idea. First thing tomorrow you're getting a mani-pedi." Katniss almost fell out of her booth laughing.

"Good idea Madge. Now to you Finnick, besides popcorn, what is your favorite thing to nibble on at the movies?"

"Well, candy, popcorn, and gum are all delicious, but not as delicious as my Annie. So I'm saying her beautiful breasts."

"Her what?" Caesar leaned in. "Did you say Annie's breasts?" Finnick nodded yes. "Right in the theater?" He nodded again. "Okay, Annie, let's see what you wrote." Annie turned over her card. _MY BOOBS._ "Correct! Well, I'll be! 100 points to the O'Dairs!"

"The score after question number three is Katniss and Peeta, 100 points; Primrose and Rory, nothing yet; Madge and Gale, 100 points; Annie and Finnick, 100 points."

* * *

Jo said, "Raisinettes." Clove showed her answer, _RAISINETTES._ "Oh, you remember."

"Ever since our first movie together." They kissed.

The head of programming, Plutarch Havensbee, walked in. "Hello Plutarch," Fulvia greeted her boss.

"Hello, Fulvia." Plutarch Havenbee resembled a bear. His voice boomed and filled the room. "How is the show going?"

"It will be an interesting episode."

"I don't want interesting Fulvia. I want ratings."

* * *

 **Question 4**

"Finnick, what did your lovely wife answer to this, most of the electricity in our home flows from the blank to the blank," Caesar asked.

"Oh my Caesar, that might be the easiest one tonight." Annie blushed as she and Finnick shared a stolen glance. "She wrote, from me to her." Annie turned over her card, _ANNIE TO FINNICK._

"Very good, 100 points to the O'Dairs," Caesar said. "Finnick, I have to ask you ..." Finnick and Annie weren't paying attention to their host. They held hands and looked into each other's green eyes. "Excuse me guys, Finnick, Annie."

"HEY! Someone hose Finnick down." All eyes turned to Prim. "He's literally a dog in heat!" Prim yelled.

"I'm sorry Prim, but I think you mean figuratively," Madge said.

Prim glared at Madge. "Who appointed you grammar police?"

"It's my fault, Prim," Annie said. "I gave her _Grammar Hint-a-Day Toilet Paper_ for her birthday."

"I think of you every time I sit on my toilet Annie," Madge said. "But Prim, heat refers to a female, not a boy dog."

"Madge is right Prim, he's not in heat," Annie said. "He's just horny."

"Peeta, what did Katniss say to this, most of the electricity in our home flows from the blank to the blank."

"Well, Katniss has a set of lights she uses to put on her makeup. She hides it under the vanity."

Katniss's mouth fell open.

"Katniss, why do you hide the lights under your vanity?" Caesar asked.

"Well, my husband is a very green person. So all we have are those curly light bulbs. They distort all the colors in the room. When I look in the mirror all I see is the blue people from Avatar."

Peeta shrugged his shoulders, "just doing our part in saving the planet."

"At the expense of me looking like a clown."

Katniss turned over her card, _THE JACUZZI._ "I use it a lot."

Peeta nodded his head. "Presently, as in the past, she's very tense."

"Do expect her to be like that in the future?"

"I absolutely expect her to be tense in the future."

"Rory, what did Prim say to this, most of the electricity in our home flows from the blank to the blank," Caesar said.

"Oh God, I don't know. She has so many electric things in our apartment I'm surprised our meter doesn't take off and fly away." Prim scrunched her nose and mimicked Rory. "I'm going to say the spotlights Prim has lighting up her porcelain doll collection."

"She has a large doll collection?" Caesar asked.

"Yup and they all look like they're staring at me. They're really creepy."

"Prim, your answer is."

Prim crossed her arms her nostrils flared. "What do you mean my dolls are creepy? You take it back!"

"I can't take it back, I said it on TV."

"It's taped, now take it back."

"Okay, have it your way, the microwave." Prim threw her arms in the air.

"Prim, Rory said microwave, now let's see your card." She flipped it over, _THE SPOTLIGHTS ON MY DOLLS._

Rory threw his hands over his face. "Why did you demand I take back my answer?"

"Not your answer! Just calling my dolls creepy!"

"Gale, most of the electricity in our home flows from the blank to the blank," Caesar asked.

"Okay, from the plug to vibrator," Gale said.

Madge rolled her eyes and then shook her head. "Gale, why would you say that?" She turned over her card and it said _DRYER_. "You gotta know my vibrator runs on batteries."

Gale held his face in his hands and rubbed his temples. "First, the dryer is gas, not electric. Second, I was talking about the vibrating massage chair, not your, er, toy."

"Oh, sorry, nevermind," Madge said.

Everyone looked over at Peeta laughing. "Peeta, what's so funny?" Caesar asked.

"Oh, I was just thinking of the box of fifty "D" cell batteries Katniss just had delivered." Katniss covered her face with her cards and slunk low in her seat.

Prim leaned over to talk to Katniss. "Kat, I can't believe you use a vibrator that needs batteries. You should get one that is rechargeable." Katniss sunk even lower. "It can sit right there on your nightstand; ready for use at a moments notice. And having it visible will keep your husband in line. He'll see his competition every night when he goes to bed."

"Now that I think of it, I should have said vibrator like Gale," Rory said.

"The score at half-time: Katniss and Peeta, 100 points; Primrose and Rory, nothing yet; Madge and Gale, 100 points; Annie and Finnick, 200 points."

* * *

"My computer." Jo said.

"Ahhhhh! We are like one mind!" Clove and Jo kissed.

"Fulvia."

"Yes, Plutarch."

"Where did you find these loons?"

"Cressida and Effie Trinket found them."

"What's an Effie Trinket?"

* * *

 **Half-time**

"The score so far: Katniss and Peeta, 100 points; Primrose and Rory, nothing yet; Madge and Gale, 100 points; Annie and Finnick, 200 points. So it's time to get to know our contestants. Annie and Finnick O'Dair. You guys own the Blue Finn restaurant. So how is the restaurant business Finnick?"

"Couldn't be better Caesar. We recently opened a chain of family style restaurants called Dirty Dick's Crab House. If you go to our website you can download coupons." Finnick then flashed his million dollar smile and winked.

"Oh thank you Finnick. I'm sure our viewers will enjoy dinner or lunch at Dirty Dick's Crab House," Caesar said. The free publicity pleased Finnick.

"Madge and Gale, why don't you tell us what you have been up to."

Madge took the lead. "Well Caesar, the first person to send me an email," Madge held up her email address on a card, "will receive my services as political advisor for their campaign. So whether you're running for the school board or commissioner of the local sewer district write me."

"Um, thank you, Madge. Now Prim and Rory ..."

"And the first person to contact us will have Rory set up their bookkeeping system," Prim said.

Rory tugged Prim's sleeve. "I don't do bookkeeping Prim."

"Okay, Rory will do their income tax returns."

"Prim, I don't do income taxes."

"Oh Christ Rory, you're an accountant, what the hell do you do at work?"

"Well, I-"

"Forget it, Rory. I will do a neuro-endoscope, extended bifrontal craniotomy, or even a trans-labyrinthine craniotomy to the first person to contact me for free." Prim turned her head and winked at the camera.

"Well, well. Thank you, Prim. Now Katniss and Peeta, why don't you bring us up to date on what's going on in your life."

"Thank you, Caesar. We're fine and the baby's fine. The first person to contact me gets ..." Katniss paused and looked at Peeta. Peeta shook his head. Katniss smiled and nodded her's. "... Peeta will represent them in their arraignment and bail hearing. Only New York and New Jersey of course."

"Of course," Caesar said.

"Now for the second half of our show."


	4. Chapter 4: The Marriage Game Part III

**Question 5**

"Katniss, you're up first." She sat up straight in her seat and waited for Caesar to ask. "What article of clothing do you buy for your husband?"

Katniss bit her lip and rocked back and forth. "Let's see, let's see. I'd have to say sexy lingerie."

"Really, sexy lingerie. Could you give us an example," Caesar asked.

"Sure, I just bought a satin babydoll from Victoria's Secret. He went wild."

"Now tell us Peeta, did it work?" Peeta nodded his head.

"Katniss, your little boy-toy is cute when he blushes," Prim yelled.

Katniss glared at her big-mouthed little sister. "Hey, watch it Little Duck, before I let out a few things that'll turn you red." Prim leaned back in her seat.

"Now, now ladies. Peeta, turn over your card." He turned over his card, _SEXY LINGERIE._ Katniss bounced up and down, threw her arms around Peeta and kissed him.

"Very good. 100 points to the Mellarks. Primrose, you're next. What article of clothing do you buy for your husband?" Caesar asked.

"Sexy underwear," Prim said.

"Oh Prim, you Everdeen girls are a little risque aren't you?" Katniss smiled and looked away from the camera as the audience hooted and hollered. "Now settle down everybody. Prim, tell me, did it work?"

"Oh, they sure did Caesar. I couldn't keep my hands off him when he came into our bedroom. They were tiger-striped and fit him perfectly," Prim said. Rory could not have sunk any lower in his seat. Gale couldn't contain himself; he burst out laughing so hard he fell out of his seat.

Rory turned over his card, _SOCKS._ "Socks! Why would you say socks?"

"I couldn't think of anything. I don't think you've ever bought me any clothes," Rory said.

"Of course, I did! I bought you sexy underwear! Jeez Rory!"

"Madge, what article of clothing do you buy for Gale?"

"Oh my God, this is impossible, I buy all his clothes." Gale took a deep breath and his gaze wandered around the studio. "I buy his socks, his underwear, his-"

"Oh Madge, what kind of underwear do you buy Gale?"

"Boxers, boxers, and only boxers." Gale covered his face and thought, TMI, TMI, TMI.

"Why boxers Madge? To keep himself cool?"

"Yup, he likes to be cool down there."

"But Madge," Caesar winked at her, "wouldn't it be better if he was hot down there?"

"You don't have to tell me that Caesar." Gale had never been that shade of red. "Hmmm, what article of clothing? Oh, I got it, I bought him his suit."

Gale turned over his card, _BOXERS_.

"Aw, too bad guys. Now Annie, what did Finnick say?"

"Oh, this is going to be hard. I don't think I ever bought any clothes for Finnick. As a matter of fact, he usually picks out my outfits."

"Really, he picks out your outfits Annie?"

"He sure does, look at him, he looks like he just walked off the cover of GQ." Annie tapped her cheek with her finger. "I'll say a tie."

Finnick turned over his card, HANDKERCHIEF. "Oh, that's right, when we went to Met Gala last year."

"Oh, I remember that, they were very nice handkerchiefs."

"The score after question number five is Katniss and Peeta, 200 points; Primrose and Rory, nothing yet; Madge and Gale, 100 points; Annie and Finnick, 200 points."

* * *

"Oh, Jo, that's hard, since we've been living together you've bought all my clothes. I'm going to say my little black dress." Jo nodded yes and turned over her card. "Yup, one mind."

* * *

Plutarch towered over Effie. "So you brought these couples to us. What made you think they would be a good fit for the show?"

"Well, I'm, um, ah ..."

"Relax Trinket, they're perfect."

* * *

 **Question 6**

"Primrose, what did Rory say to this, name something that your wife hits when it's not working properly."

Rory answered immediately, "Me." Prim bounced and clapped before kissing Rory.

"Prim, you seem happy, turn over your card." She turned it over, _HIM._ "Very good, 100 points for you guys. Now Madge, what did Gale say?"

"I'm going to say the dryer, it's always making noise." Gale nodded, but he pursed his lips. He turned over his card, _ME_.

"Oh, Gale, why would you say that?" She pulled her arm back and punched Gale in the upper arm.

"Jesus Christ Madge, you just hit me." Madge rolled her eyes. "And why, because I wasn't working right."

"Finnick, what does Annie hit when it's not working properly?"

"I normally wouldn't think of Annie hitting anything, but just last week she threw her iPod across the room."

Annie scrunched her nose, "I forgot about that." She turned her card over, _Cell Phone_.

Finnick looked at the card and then again. "When did you do that?"

"Just before we came out. No bars!"

"Peeta, your answer," Caesar asked.

"I'm not sure, Katniss has quite a temper." Katniss leaned back and lifted one eyebrow when she stared at her husband. "But she smacks some of the kitchen appliances pretty often." She rolled her eyes. "I'm going to say the can opener. She broke it off its mount last time."

"Peeta, I'm glad you didn't say you, considering her nickname is Detective Ballbuster." Katniss sighed and dropped her head. "Let's see what Katniss said."

She turned over her card, _OLD CAR._ "I still have my old car upstate. It's twenty years old."

"If it's that old, why don't you get rid of it?"

Katniss shrugged and Prim yelled out, "Katniss and Peeta #$%^& around for the first time in that car!"

"The score after question number six is Katniss and Peeta, 200 points; Primrose and Rory, 100 points; Madge and Gale, 100 points; Annie and Finnick, 200 points."

* * *

"Jo bit the inside of her lip, she couldn't picture her Clove hitting anything. "Um, you hit your tablet once." Clove turned her card over, _TABLET_. "Wow, I had a hard time thinking what the second sweetest woman in the world might hit."

"Second?"

"Yeah Clove, remember there is Annie."

"Yup, you're right. But it seems she has problems with some of her gadgets too."

* * *

"Plutarch, we're producing a children's cartoon based on a book Effie's company published," Fulvia said.

Plutarch widened his eyes and scratched his chin when he got up. "So we already have a relationship with these people?"

"Yes, Plutarch."

"Well, Fulvia, you'll have your work cut out for you. Get with Effie Trinket and see what else you can do with them."

* * *

 **Question 7**

"Now Madge, you're up first. Where is the strangest place you two made whoopee?"

Madge squirmed in her seat. Her face got flushed and she remained silent. Caesar prompted her. "Madge, what do you think Gale said?"

"Well, I kinda know what he'd say, but it's really embarrassing."

Gale put his arm around his bride. He pulled her in and hugged her. "I think we're both thinking of the same time. So, go ahead."

Madge looked confused when she looked up at Gale, "are you sure?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Okay, well, my butt."

Gale released his bride and put his face in his hands. "What's wrong? What did you write?"

"Gale, um, Gale. Why don't you show us what you wrote," Caesar said. Gale turned over his card, _INTERROGATION ROOM_.

Madge nodded her head. "Oh yeah, you're right. That was really creepy. They have one of those mirrors where they can see you, but you can't see them. I got the feeling people were watching us."

"We were!" Katniss yelled out.

"Oh God I wish I was dead," Gale said.

"So do I dear, but it's 'Oh God I wish I _were_ dead'. You forgot you're in the subjunctive."

"More toilet paper Madge?" Caesar asked.

"Yup, just last week."

"Annie," Caesar said, "here's your next question. Ready?" Annie nodded yes. "Where is the strangest place you two made whoopee? Now think hard. What did Finnick answer for that."

Annie tapped her finger on her cheek and stared at the ceiling. She nodded and smiled. "Caesar, my answer is the green room."

"Is that a special room in your house?"

"No Caesar, isn't that what you call the room where we wait to come on stage?"

Caesar raised his eyebrows. "You mean backstage?" Annie nodded yes. "When?"

"We got here early. Right on the couch."

"EWE!" Prim screamed out. "I sat on that couch!"

"Oh relax Prim!" Annie screamed back. "I didn't whine when you defiled Finnick's desk!" Prim knew she was beaten on this one.

"Finnick, let's see what you said." Finnick turned over his card. _LIMO._

"Sorry Annie, but I was thinking of the ride over here."

"Oh, sorry guys. No points this time. Katniss, you're up."

Katniss slapped her hands on her lap. "I'm ready Caesar."

"Here it goes; where is the strangest place you two made whoopee?"

"Okay, here it goes. We were walking through Goose Pond Park back home," Peeta's eyes got wide, "and we started to feel very romantic." Peeta raised one eyebrow. "We started kissing and snuck behind this large bush." Peeta put his chin in his hand and nodded. "Well, just as we were, um, doing it, this large swan attacked us. It scared us so much we ran from behind the bush. We were half dressed and scared some old couple. I thought I gave the old man a heart attack. It was so funny." Katniss put her hand on Peeta's knee. "Remember that honey?"

"No, no I don't."

"Oh come on Peeta, how could you forget that?"

"Well, I wasn't there."

"Sure you were. It was ... oh yeah that's right. Now who was I with? Hmmm."

Caesar interrupted Katniss' thought pattern, "your answer Peeta." Peeta turned his card over, _ELEVATOR._

Katniss looked at the card. "Oh yeah. That was funny also." _  
_

"Prim, what did Rory say to where was the strangest place you've made whoopee?"

"Behind the panda enclosure at the National Zoo," Prim said. "It really freaked out the pandas."

"Rory, your answer please." _IN A DIORAMA AT THE MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY._

"Rory," Caesar said, "to be honest with you, they both sound strange. Why did you choose the museum?"

Rory shivered, "I hated those cavemen staring at us. Thay gave me the creeps."

Prim shook her head. "The cavemen are stuffed, Rory. The pandas were alive!"

"But the pandas are just animals. Those cavemen were people!"

"Alright, whatever. At least, the pandas got something out of it."

"What do you mean Primrose?" Caesar asked.

"After the pandas saw us they got busy and four months later little Ding Dong, Ming Mong, Bong Bong or whatever its called was born."

"Well, thank you, Prim, for that little bit of information."

"The score after question number seven is Katniss and Peeta, 200 points; Primrose and Rory, 100 points; Madge and Gale, 100 points; Annie and Finnick, 200 points."

* * *

"So what do you think, the strangest place we've made love?" Jo asked Clove.

"Oh, that's easy. The lifeboat on the Staten Island Ferry."

"Yeah, that was pretty strange. The seas were rough that day, I remember hitting my head on the side of the boat." Jo rubbed her head. Clove leaned over and kissed the spot where Jo had her boo-boo. "Yeah, we're seven for seven!"

* * *

"I have an idea Plutarch." Fulvia said. "How 'bout something like Big Brother. We lock them in a house together." Plutarch nodded. "Or better yet, something like Survivor. We drop them on some island."

"Those are excellent ideas, Fulvia. But I don't want something that someone is voted off. I want to keep all these crazy people together."

"Got it." Fulvia took out her notepad. "Keep crazy people together.


	5. Chapter 5: The Marriage Game Part IV

**Question 8**

"So ladies and gentlemen, are you ready for your last question?" All the contestants clapped and yelled yes. "Now Annie, what did Finnick write for this question; what do you have to do to get your husband's attention during the Super Bowl?"

Annie thought for just for a second when a broad smile appeared on her face. "Annie, your answer?"

"I dress up as a sexy cheerleader."

Finnick smiled, his green eyes sparkled. "I do like that outfit."

"Finnick, turn over your card," Caesar said. _FRENCH MAID._

Annie pressed her lips tight and then lowered her head. "Oh Finnick, you know I wear that outfit during the French Open."

Finnick shook his head, "you're right as usual Annie." He put his arm around her and pulled her close. "What would I do without you." They kissed.

"Well, it looks like the O'Dair's will finish with 200 points," Caesar said. The audience applauded. "Peeta, you're next."

"Hmm, that's hard. We're always together when we watch the Super Bowl. I'd say, be annoying." Katniss' mouth opened wide and she put her hands on her hips. "The one time I could remember she wanted my attention she marched in front of the TV, talked loud, made noise in the kitchen. You know, generally, be annoying."

"Is that true Katniss? Were you annoying?"

Katniss took a deep breath and shook her head. "Absolutely not Caesar. I remember that year. My team was behind. I tried to engage Peeta in pleasant conversation, that's all."

"Huh! When Katniss want's attention she doesn't stop at pleasant conversation." Katniss glared at Peeta. "You came close to dropping an arm full of dishes that day."

"How would you know! You didn't take your eye off the TV for the rest of the game."

"How long did this little act by Katniss last Peeta?" Caesar asked.

"Till I collected on my bet."

"How did you collect on your bet Peeta?"

"Well, we-"

Katniss interrupted Peeta. "NEVER MIND THAT!"

"Katniss and Peeta, you also finish with 200 points," Caesar said.

"Primrose, what did Rory say; what do you have to do to get your husband's attention during the Super Bowl?"

Prim rolled her eyes. "I'd do what every woman should do; I march right in and take that remote and turn that TV off!" Half the audience stood up and cheered.

"Well Primrose, it seems what you said hit a nerve with our female audience members."

The cheering got louder as Prim stood up and egged them on. "Isn't that right ladies?" The women flew into a full-fledged frenzy. "You go right in there and hit that off button!" Prim finally sat after Caesar calmed the audience down.

"Well, well, well ... you are one rabble-rouser, aren't you Primrose?" Caesar said.

"You bet I am!"

"So Rory, what did you write?" Rory turned his card over, SHE TURNS THE TV OFF.

Prim looked at the card and bounced up and down, "YAY!" She grabbed Rory's tie and pulled Rory to her. She planted a hard kiss on her husband.

"Very good, the Hawthornes finish with 200 points, tied with the O'Dairs and the Mellarks. Now, let's see how well Madge and Gale will do with this question. Madge, what do you do to get Gale's attention during the Super Bowl?"

Madge didn't hesitate. "I just strip right down and stand in front of the television."

"What happened next Madge?" Caesar asked.

"He stood there with his mouth wide open."

"So Gale, I guess you enjoyed the show?"

Gale squeezed his eyes closed and nodded his head. "Yup sure did. And so did Rory and a couple of my friends."

"I didn't even know they were there. I left my glasses in the bedroom."

"Gale, what did you put down?" Gale turned his card over, _STRIPS._

"The score after question number seven is Katniss and Peeta, 200 points; Primrose and Rory, 200 points; Madge and Gale, 200 points; Annie and Finnick, 200 points. Wow, we have a four-way tie. We've never had that before. We'll see who wins the grand prize after these commercials," Caesar said before the studio lights dimmed. "What do we do?" The stage manager shrugged.

* * *

"So Clove, what do you say?" Jo asked.

"I have just one four letter word for that." Clove leaned in and kissed Jo. Jo dropped the card to the floor; it fell to the floor face-up; it said _KISS_.

* * *

"Plutarch, what do you want to do about the tie? A sudden death playoff?" Fulvia asked.

* * *

 **Finale**

Plutarch sat in his chair as Fulvia, the producer, and the director waited for an answer. "Nope, no playoff. Give them all the grand prize."

Fulvia's eyes got wide and then one eyebrow went up. "Plutarch, are you sure. That'll be pretty expensive."

"Not compared to the ratings potential of this bunch." His three underlings nodded and walked off to enforce their boss' edict.

* * *

"Welcome back to the Marriage Game!" Claudius Templesmith boomed. "And here's our host, Caesar Flickerman!"

Caesar flashed his patented smile as all the cameras focused on him. "Welcome back ladies and gentlemen. While we were away our judges came to a decision. All four of our couples will receive the grand prize." The audience clapped and hooted while the four couples applauded politely. Dinner and show were nice, but nothing to go head over heels about. "You are all going to spend a week in Disney World!"

"YES! YES! YES!" Prim almost jumped out of her skin.

Caesar raised his eyebrows and tried to contain his laughter. "Primrose seems to be happy, but what is she doing?"

"That's her Happy Jig, and Disney makes her happy," Katniss said.

Prim couldn't contain herself. "When we get there, the first thing I'm going to do is get a princess makeover."

"So am I, and I'm going to be Cinderella!" Madge screamed.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Prim glared at Madge and was about to vault over the wall of the booth. "You can't be Cinderella! I'M CINDERELLA!"

"Tough, I called it!" Madge followed that with a stuck-out tongue.

Rory pulled Prim back down to earth. He whispered to her. "Prim, Sleeping Beauty is Princess Aurora. She was born a princess; she didn't have to marry someone to be a princess like Cinderella had to do."

Prim's eyes lit up and she raised her hand, "I decided to go as Sleeping Beauty." She sat straight up and was very proud of herself.

Peeta leaned into Katniss, "How come you're not choosing your favorite princess?"

"I'm Belle, no one ever chooses Belle."

"Very good Primrose. Annie, out of curiosity, who are you going to be?"

Annie waved her red hair and said, "Ariel, the Little Mermaid, of course."

"And you Katniss?"

"Belle, the beauty."

"Hah!"

"Prim, that's not nice!"

"Sorry Katniss, it was just a reflex."

* * *

"DISNEY! DISNEY!" Jo stormed across the room and confronted Plutarch. "I can't believe you're sending them to DISNEY! They all sucked at the game. They all got just twenty-five percent of the questions correct. They know squat about each other." Jo dragged Clove over to her. "We got all eight questions correct and we get nothing! Oh, this just sucks even more than it sucked before!" Jo crossed her arms and plopped on the sofa.

Plutarch took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second, and nodded. "I just have one question, who the hell are you?"

"I'm the writer of that children's book you're adapting, Katniss', Prim's, and Effie's business partner, and all-around pissed off woman."

"You're quite a firebrand aren't you?"

"Well, that's what you get when you don't let me and my girlfriend on the show!"

"Fulvia, why didn't we let these two on the show. We welcome same-sex couples of course."

"They aren't married," Fulvia said.

"Well, when we have a show called The POSSSL-Q Show you can be on it."

"What the hell is POSSSL-Q?" Jo asked.

"People Of the Same Sex Sharing Living Quarters." Clove rolled her eyes and sighed. "Tell you what, you two can go to Disney also."

"Yay!" Clove bounced up and down on the couch. "I haven't been there since I was twelve."

"Well, who are you going as little girl?" Plutarch asked.

"I don't know, Jo who's left?"

Jo consulted her phone. "Um, Snow White, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Fa Mulan, Tiana, Rapunzel, and Merida."

"I'll take Snow White if you take Merida. She's a real firebrand." Clove grinned and bit Jo's nose.

"Deal."

Plutarch looked over to a pouting Effie, "You want to go to Disney also?" Effie nodded her head. "Okay, you can go too. They'll need a chaperone anyway." Effie smiled. "And you can bring rummy also."

Haymitch perked up, "Someone say something?'


End file.
